the people you see in medical school interviews

Applying to medical school is a pretty stressful process. Actually, even getting to the point where you can apply to medical school is a pretty stressful process, and plenty, if not the majority, never make it even to this stage. You can imagine, then, that when you get your invitation, a real, hot-off-the-presses-definitely-not-a-hoax invite to come in for an interview at a real, not-in-a-3rd-world-country, will-actually-give-you-a-degree, might-even-help-you-score-chicks med school, it's a pretty exciting situation. So I got excited.

Approximation of my got-an-invite look

Like any professional interview, I expected to dress well. Not three-piece-custom-armani-look-at-my-shiny-watch-and-shoes-i-have-a-small-penis well, but well enough to be presentable. You know, as nice as a poor student can be reasonably expected to dress. To me, that's a wool suit I've had since high school, which still fits me quite well. To wit-

Not rocket science. Or brain surgery, for that matter. It was therefore extremely mind-boggling and somewhat reassuring that for whatever reason (weird fashion sense destroying disorder? alien abduction? rebellion against the white judeochristian heteronormative medical establishment?) a sizable chunk of the premed population, despite (because?) withstanding the aforementioned stressful winnowing process, is somehow incapable of dressing themselves like adults. This disorder/abduction-related-trauma/sticking-it-to-the-man phenomenon apparently affects men and women alike. Being the scientist that I am, I tried observing these subjects. Because they obviously don't give a fuck about growing up, I dubbed them the Tinkerbells. There are many common archetypes that Tinkerbells seem to draw on. For example, there's everyone's favorite, the way-low-cut-shirt-that-over-accentuates-your-rack variety -

what, you don't think I drew her hot enough? go fuck yourself.

But these are the easy targets. I can write a whole book about Tinkerbellian archetypes. I think this post is best served by discussing the true wizards, the obvious Imperial Dragons of the Order of Tinkerbells. Before I introduce the first, in case you didn't know, apparently men's suit jackets are not supposed to be buttoned all the way. The bottom-most button is supposed to be left open. Why? Who the fuck knows. Probably some British royal left it open by accident after taking a quick leak or whatever and everyone decided that was super in.

I'm inbred!!

Anyway, many people dress that way, and it's considered a standard/proper way to dress. So this first wizard obviously was told by someone that you shouldn't button all the buttons. Too bad he understood that to mean -

Yes. This sorcery apparently was promulgated by this prophet of fashion genius, because I've seen this more than once during interviews. Nice. This however, is more or less a subtle error, provided a freak feed-the-bird accident left you blind in one eye or something. Less forgivable is an obviously higher ranking Tinkerbell, who decided this was excellent interview attire -

No I didn't draw it wrong or exaggerate in any way. Yes, her skirt was a fucking onion. It was kind of a magical onion, in that it poofed way the hell out yet managed to come right back in, in a perfect ellipsoid, ending just about halfway up her thighs. The amazing thing is that it had no apparent internal structure, because I would think that the laws of physics would dictate that there needs to be some kind of system of girders to maintain that form; of course, that's a silly thought anyway, because, like I said, this skirt was straight up magic. Other than that, and other than her orange stabby heels and crazy hair, she was perfectly normal looking. Still, the king of all Tinkerbells, Tinkerbell Prime, if you will, was a guy I met at my state school's interview day. I have a hard time describing everything, so I've summarized the bigger details -

I'm not going to dilute the above image with further explanation, except to add that the shirt was misbuttoned too, you know like you did in 2nd grade because your sense of symmetry was off and you didn't quite realize that there is a fucking hole for each button on the goddamn shirt.

So what was I talking about? Oh yes, dressing like an adult. Come on guys and girls, it's not that hard. Let's work on this. Doctors are supposed to be at least not stupid. Guys - suit, decently tied tie, properly buttoned up shirt (who knew this needed mentioning), long dress socks, shoes. I mean, it's that simple. I'm a certified moron and even *I* can dress myself properly. And while I'm on the subject, black is for funerals.

Just saying..